Perchance to Dream
by Stephantom
Summary: Donnie struggled to find meaning in life, to find the answers to the questions and fears that plagued him. In the end, it seemed he found peace and faced his death bravely. He even laughed. What was it he found?


_ Pain._ A burning, gnawing, screaming pain in his chest that made him want to squirm and writhe to escape it, but he lay motionless, blinking blearily as sensations ebbed into nothing but a slowing pulse. Vision meshed into fuzzy, colored static, blurring into darkness. The sound of labored breathing processed distantly, quiet and uneven, until that too faded into nothing.  
  
He was in darkness, floating, blind and numb. It felt as though he was submerged in water, far below the surface, waving his limbs in slow-motion as he drifted gently. It was so dark that he could not tell which way was up and which was down. Voices were calling to him, distant, watery echoes.  
  
**I can do anything I want.  
So can you.**  
  
_ The sky is going to open up._   
** God loves his children.**  
_ Really, really afraid..._  
  
The search for God is absurd?  
_ It is if everyone dies alone.  
  
_...the choices you've made, and the people you've touched...  
  
Things that remind you...  
...how beautiful the world can be.  
  
_Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?_  
** Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?**  
  
_ I promise that one day everything's going to be better for you._  
  
I hope you find your cellar door.  
  
_I hope that when the world comes to an end,  
I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much  
to look forward to..._  
  
His eyes opened suddenly; he hadn't realized they were closed. A bright, silvery layer of what looked like liquid glass caught his eye, and he squinted at it through the murky water. Shafts of light stretched out from it, like the sun dancing on the surface of a pool. His mouth opened in awe and a pale arm extended, reaching, searching, grasping... It seemed to grow in length as he willed himself to reach it, with the strange feeling that he was _returning_.  
  
His hand broke through the surface and was immediately enveloped in warmth. His fingers closed on empty air, yet somehow it was enough of a handhold to pull the rest of his body up and through the portal. _Cellar Door_. He dove upward into the air with a surge of energy. He gasped loudly as air filled his lungs, as if it was the first breath he had ever taken.   
  
The water seemed to rise up with him, holding firmly to his skin, now more of an encasing goo then water. It burned and he struggled violently, but the stuff did not relinquish its hold in his skin. At last he broke loose and was ripped from the shell that had held his being. It felt painful and yet oddly satisfying, like scratching off an old scab. He abandoned it in the sticky substance which dried and hardened into pavement as he stepped out of it, then swiftly dissolved into sand. Beyond him, blades of grass came up from the sand, poking out shyly at first, and then emerging as a lush forest in the distance. A wave broke on the bank where he stood, rushing across the smooth surface of the sand, then gently sank back into the sea.   
  
A moment passed as he closed his eyes in elation, simply enjoying the feel of being free and then he opened his eyes and caught his reflection for a moment in the water. He could hardly understand it himself but the thought that entered his mind was, _so that's what I look like..._ And then beside his own reflection, he saw them smiling up at him. _Familiar faces..._ They too had shed the masks he had known them by, but he recognized them all the same and he knew: he was not alone.   
  
He felt a smile within himself, and feeling it, it widened, growing larger until it burst into laughter and he laughed with joy as he had in his last moments as the boy Donnie Darko. And he was still that boy now, but he was more, he was... he _was_. He embraced them, feeling their radiant warmth with relieved gratitude. Above and around him, stars and planets were shining with a surreal feeling of familiarity and novelty at once. The being that had been Gretchen Ross smiled at him and he saw that she felt the same incredible feeling of de-ja-vu. She slipped her hand into his; she knew him regardless of the twisting patterns of time.  
  
All around them, the world was glowing from the inside out. It was familiar, and yet strange. He saw and smelt things he recognized, but this was more vivid, more _real_. Each sound heard resonated through him, as if he could feel the vibrations in some string inside him. Everything looked brighter and clearer as if he was able to see everything up close at once. And yet at the same time, he could see the universe as if he was somehow suspended high above it and the perilous and wearying windings of time, viewing it was the the masterful painting it was. He saw each of the pieces fall into place, the changing tides, the constant cycles, the millions of souls that grew and bled and the stories that poured from the eyes through which they viewed the world... He watched as the elements aligned themselves, the cells spiraled out into countless varying creations, the forces of gravity pulled the farthest reaches of space together into this one moment which held all moments, here at the center of all things.   
  
His arms spread wide, only he didn't really have arms and it was with his entire being that he now embraced the universe, so filled with life, and the heart from which it had been born, and he felt himself being embraced in return. He was warm and content within these powerful arms. He felt bigger and wiser than he had ever been, and yet, there was a helpless child laughing with glee inside him, so happy to be safe at last.  
  
It suddenly occurred to him that no one on earth had died alone. He knew without any doubt, this was what he had been made for, this was the world he was meant for; the life he had known before had been a mere shadow of it. It was because of this that an unreachable need had haunted the far backs of the minds of every person on earth, that they had carried a hidden hurt through every mundane day and every changing, fleeting year. _Children waiting for the day they feel good... _This was what all of them had been searching for, waiting for: they were home.  
  
_ Happy birthday...  
Happy birthday...  
  
_

* * *

**Author's Note: **So, ah, tell me what you think please. I know not everyone saw Donnie Darko as having a religious meaning like this, but I think it was definitely a significant theme in the movie. All of the "voices" Donnie hears in the beginning are direct quotes from the film, although a couple are from deleted scenes, and throughout the end there are a few lyrics from the song Mad World by Tears for Fears. And ah... guess what, I don't own Donne Darko. (Weird, I put the disclaimer at the end...) 


End file.
